When times are slow in the antiques, divvies have to make ends in unusual ways. Such is Lovejoy's fate driving for Gazza Gaunt's disreputable assignation service. But when one of his customres, the beautiful Fiona, discovers his eye for the genuine article, he finds himself the toast of a rich set whose vices and interest in danger extend way beyond a casual tryst in the back of Lovejoy's van. Advising the rich on valuables is never easy, but when he discovers that this set's previous advisors have ended up in hospital or worse, Lovejoy decides to flee with horse mad Almira to France. Little does he realise that Almira is part of the plot, and that France is the centre of the biggest antiques scam in history.